selfish thoughts

I have 6 days left until my due date.  Sunday, November 7th is the date we've been given.  Of the 6 girls (including myself) that I know who are/were due right around me, 2 went into labor several days early, one is being induced (today!), another is 10 days late (ugh!), and one isn't due until the 14th (nothing yet).

I'm praying that this week will be the week.  Preferably in the next 2 days.  I'm tired of being pregnant.  My patience for anyone other than Travis (and Ellie) is fairly low.  My hips hurt.  My back hurts.  The house is organized and ready for guests.  My mom flies into OKC this Friday, Travis' parents are arriving sometime on Sunday, my dad flies in the 14th.  It would, honestly, be great to have a day or two alone with our new arrival before the craziness of grandparents arrive. 

I'm a control freak.  I like things done a certain way.  I like my dishes washed a certain way, I like my dishwasher loaded a certain way, I like things to be picked up before I go to bed, I like my laundry routine, I don't like sharing my bathroom, I like to vacuum at least twice a week, I like sitting around in my pj's all day if I feel like it, I like being needed by Travis, I like snuggling with Ellie on the sofa, I like a quiet house during the day (no TV).

Needless to say, the next few weeks are going to be difficult for me with family around.  We never thought this moment would exist for us.  We never thought natural children were in God's plans for our lives.  He proved us wrong.  We are so thankful.  I want to hold on to my baby boy and never let him go.  I want to be the one to fulfill all his needs.  Of course I will be that person, but over the next month with family coming and going, I have to share.  I don't want to share.  I want to be selfish.  This is my moment to be a mom.  A moment I thought I'd never get. 

I'm ready for the changes that this baby will bring to our home.  I say this now (but probably won't necessarily mean it in a few weeks), but I'm excited to wake up in the middle of the night for feedings and diaper changes.  I can't wait to snuggle my little boy throughout the day.  I can't wait to be the one to console my son.  I can't wait for Travis to come home from work after a long day to find refuge in his son.  I can't wait to take pictures of my boy.  I can't wait to start new family traditions.

My thoughts are selfish.  I know.  Maybe it's the hormones.  But I can't help how I feel.  I know I need to give up some control and gratefully accept help from those that are willing to give it.  But I like to do things myself.  That's just me.  My family will have to be just as patient with me as I will with them. 

made with love

Since our little man could potentially enter this world any day now, early last week I decided that it was finally time to finish up a quilt that I had started for our wee-man before we left Fresno.  Before the move, I had completely finished putting the quilt together and had gotten started quilting it (7 out of 42 squares).  The rest would wait for "down-time" once we got settled in our new place and we started playing the baby waiting game (which is certainly under way). 

I would have started working on the quilt sooner, but ever since my hands began to give me a hard time, around 33 weeks pregnant (the week that we moved), I've been putting it off.  Needless to say the carpel tunnel type stuff that I've been struggling with (numbness, tingling, tightness) hasn't really let up, so I knew I had to just dive right in and get it done.  It's not easy to quilt when you can't feel most of your fingertips.  After sitting at my coffee table for hours from Tuesday through Friday, the quilt is finally done!  My fingers have battle scars, but the quilt is finished.   My goal was to finish the quilt before "he" arrived - mission accomplished.

Last Thursday, I arrived home after my doctor appointment (and an hour of wandering joyfully through Hobby Lobby by myself) to a package waiting for me at the front door.  Little did I know that as soon as I opened the box I would instantly be put to shame.  My grandmother had sent me the most adorable quilt that she made for our little man.  (Thank you, Grandma!)  The colors are perfect for the nursery - one of the fabrics even almost completely matches our bouncer!  Of course my grandma has years of quilting experience under her belt, and I shouldn't compare my quilt to hers, but it's hard not to compare to perfection.

quilt from Grandma

so much detail

look at how closely the polka-dot fabric in the quilt matches the bouncer!

Back in July, I started my first baby quilt for our little man.  This was good practice for the quilts that I would be making in the following months.  Especially since I had never quilted by hand before.  The fabrics for this quilt I picked up at Joann's.  I don't love them, but this quilt will be nice to keep in the car as a spare.

If you remember, from a previous post, I had made a couple of baby quilts for two girls at our church back in Fresno for their baby shower.  Their baby girls should be entering this world any day now!  You can click here to be reminded of those quilts.    

And so this quilt, the one that I finished last week, is my fourth baby quilt.  It was so difficult to find fabric for a baby boy.  Finding fabric for a baby girl was so much easier.  And there were a lot more options.  I picked this fabric up off of e-bay.  It was a charm pack - pre-cut 5" squares.  All I had to do was sew them together and purchase fabric for the borders and back.  I like this quilt much more than the first one I made for our little guy. 

(Confession:  I am SO sick of referring our son as "our little guy" or "our little man" (blah, blah) in order to keep his name a secret until he officially enters this world.  He has a name, people!  I promise!  He can't come soon enough - I desperately want to refer to him BY NAME.)

it looks so cute in his crib :)

I can't wait to get started on my next baby quilt - for my niece/nephew due to arrive in March!  My sister and I plan to shop for fabric (whether it be online or at Hobby Lobby) while they are here visiting for Thanksgiving.  Hopefully by the time I start working on this next quilt, my hands will be back to "normal"...